I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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