I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
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We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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