Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
