whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
