he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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