There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
