so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
