Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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