dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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