Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
