Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
