My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
