I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
