I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
