you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
