I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have aggressive nipples.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
