i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
