I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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