please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
