You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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