I just saw a hot homeless man
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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