i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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