96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
