Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
