I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
