i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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