No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
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I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
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Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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