Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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