Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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