Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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