Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I didn't notice because vodka
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
