I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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