I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
