Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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