his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
