ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
