She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
