My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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