Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
