I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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