can we get nightvision for the apartment?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
