we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
