I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
