Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
