his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
