Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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