The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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