Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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