My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
