guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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