My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can't turn off my feet"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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