I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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