we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
