this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
bring money and cleavage
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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