I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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