It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
