rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
