We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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