we have officially lost it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
