babies were throwing up all over the place
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
