Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
