sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Screwed.edu
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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