At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
