What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
and she was petting her beer can
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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