I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
