they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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